The Fear of Loosing…….

Trepidation due to a person being capricious drives the other person insane during winter blues. A situation that requires a rational behaviour on my part and not an impulsive one. On being impulsive it may lead to an erroneous decision which might be embarrassing or loss of an irrecoverable object, being the person who defines frank, open minded and reflective the present situation has put me in a shell right now with the quilt not being able to calm down my coldness. The trait of cold is that it would drive fear if you don’t take an immediate action but rationality would argue based on statistics that it will die down slowly. A Psychosis that demands Preference Falsification due to my upbringing. Do I need to term my situation as Prejudice? or say this is your life , an opportunity knocks only once grab it before the cold dies down slowly. The latter will prick you everyday and you would cry over it everyday untill mortal which I dislike.

An object when broken the difficulty lies in to pick up the pieces and bring it back the original shape in spite of you knowing in hindsight it’s going to be a fractured object for permanent. The Fear lies in not the decision making but the consequences of its immateriality. The Fear lies in remorse.The Fear of falsehood with my conscience.The Fear of a treasured trait which will be lost forever.The Fear of Fear verses Phobia.The Fear of light which will not glow when its dark.The Fear of loosing my sanity.The Fear of well nurtured object turning into a rotten object.The Fear of not being conventional and above all “THE FEAR OF LOOSING TRUST”.

Do I need to bind with time and let the boat sail leaving rest to the nature? or Do I need to take certain decision hoping it turns out to be positive which will help throughout your life? . The latter is what a lot of people are advising me.How is this going to span out? It should be either a win-win situation or loose – win situation but not loose-loose situation.

A short Poem……….

A state of mind which waves like the wind

and floats like the water,

due to fear of loosing…

Or is it my figments of Imagination,

which is the cause of dilemma,

again due to fear of loosing…

The world says its callousness on my part,

but the same world will change its stand,

not due to fear of loosing but fear of being associated.

Do I need to think selfish as an individual ?

for fear of loosing something or

Do I need to sacrifice ?

for fear of loosing everything.

Do I need to loose the valueable TRUST or

Do I need to brood over my loss in sanity.

Hope of being hopeful ?or

Trust in God for better view of things?

Time will tell……… but

the Fear of loosing will still continue…………..


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Any form of expression is always subjective unless proved contrary  by a series of observations which becomes a universally accepted norm.The past week has been less of work and more of subjective discussions.Some of the discussions did have some positive impact on me.One discussion on a sunny Wednesday afternoon walking along with my colleagues in the CBD of Bangalore a wastage of time, could have used my mind for some other productive purposes as someone suggested during the discussion.My last post was the premise for the discussion,One of my colleagues introduced me to a sam alias Sambhar female (no offence) who was nothing but a typical Sam.Its difficult to convince Sams who are pretty egoistic and I have decided not to interact with anymore Sams at office at personal level of things, since time is a constraint for this post, will try to make up the subject in another post.I haven’t done anything really productive at work this week,maybe its something to do with my mind which is stuck up with Vicky’s arrival this weekend.

This post is really short as Rants shouldn’t influence anyone’s thought process.Views expressed here are personnel and are not intended to harm others.

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A Tamilian, so to say………

The traits to identify whether this person belongs to the race of Tamils is pretty simple and over the years it has become easy to distinguish whether a person is Sam alias Sambar (neologism!!!! a word coined off-late to Tamilians for they cannot survive without their famous drink, which is supposed to play a supportive role to the famous dish of Tamil Nadu “IDLI” ), so born in a typical Tamilain orthodox family in my great city of Bangalore with Idli and Sambhar and curd rice (“thair sadam”-that’s what they call it in Tamil) but people at first sight doubt whether I belong to this Dravidian race which always prides in its civilization.Some would question me based on my complexion, (Courtesy : Adnan), Some would question me based on my Fluency in Kannada speaking abilities  (I owe it to my 2 years of residential life on the outskirts of Bangalore) , at present colleagues with whom I converse most part of the day in Kanglish at office where surprised to hear my identity in terms of language, even my Assistant Manager was surprised that I belonged to the race for he/she was also a Tamilian.

Some of the traits which you would find common in Sams are : Loudmouths, egoistic, dedicated, intelligent(me exclusive), fanatical, thinkers, conservative, inhospitable , frank, principles etc, these are traits of an average Tamilian.Sometimes I do feel the qualities mentioned above may play an obstacle in some part of the life of a Tamilian, a victim of being egoistic and inhospitable ( the urbanites call that Socializing) which I doubt whether I will embrace it being from a conservative background.The world of corporate demands people who are good at socialising, dual faced for they feel people of this nature can grow in corporate rather than people who are frank and principle oriented.1.5 years of my corporate life, I haven’t still figured out of how to get along with people who are highly efficient in PMS(not portfolio management skills ,its people management skills).

Certain incidents that took place in my professional life in the past few weeks  has made me think my future course of action with respect to my professional life, some words may be polite but when you think twice about it you will feel embarrassed about it, music was churning from the top management and I felt I need to rethink the way I will approach professional life.Its easier said than done, its an internal struggle th I have been going through for the past couple of weeks trying to be patient, adaptable and customized to each individuals needs which I feel is hopeless, but that’s what corporate life demands, and I have to keep up my promise for me to make a sucessfull career in my current orgainzation.Its sincere advise from a person who is remrkably experinced in terms of professional life, so do I have a choice but to embrace the “CHANGE” which is the only constant thing in the world for my better??, the answer will follow in three months time.

Views expressed here are personnel and are not intended to harm others.

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An extreme bellicose bangalorean!!!


There is history to my city as well which often people don’t relate to,Upon the passing of Tipu Sultan, the Wodeyars returned to the throne of Mysore, and therefore Bengalooru, although only as figureheads. Bengalooru remained part of British East Indiauntil Indian independence in August, 1947.The British troops which were first stationed at Srirangapatna after the fall of Tipu Sultan in 1799 were later shifted to the Civil and Military Station of Bengalooru in 1809.The salubrious climate of Bengalooru attracted the ruling class and led to the establishment of the famous Military Cantonment, a city-state close to the old town of Bengalooru. The area became not only a military base for the British but also a settlement for a large number of Europeans, Anglo-Indians and missionaries.In Cantonment, the names of many of its streets are derived from military nomenclatureArtillery Road, Brigade Road, Infantry Road and Cavalry Road. The South Parade (now known as Mahatma Gandhi Road, was to the south of the Parade Ground.The British representative maintained a residence within the cantonment area and his quarters was called the Residency and hence the name Residency Road. Around 1883, three developments were added to the cantonment — Richmond Town, Benson Town and Cleveland Town.The Cantonment has retained it distinct atmosphere through the years with large populations of Anglo-Indians and Tamils from the British era.The oldest theatre in Bangalore which was established in the year 1936,mainly for the recreational activities of British Army during the colonial rule,have watched quite no of movies during my school days.

The history acts as a premise of why Bangalore has a different culture,the only other city that can be compared to Bangalore in India is Mumbai (erstwhile known as Bombay)The climate which makes you lazy to get up during winter and which has pretty cool climate during summers when compared to other cities in India.Off late due to heightened economic activity the city is becoming hot.I know a couple of my friends from neighbouring state who often complain of the climate during winter as they cannot bare the cold.The migrant population always want to complain things like traffic,bad roads,etc but don’t want to be the catalyst for making the city a better place to live-in.Individual freedom is something that everyone wants ,not many people would take any suggestions like car pooling ,the best MRPTS system in India,for people to heed to this advise any number of public notices and announcements want make any difference as it requires a change in people’s mindset.

Moral Policing existed even during different Government’s rules.The men who went on a rampage by attacking the opposite sex would have done it just for a petty sum of money as they are unemployed.The fundamental issue being Unemployment,the Govt needs to tackle this issue so that we don’t have these untoward incidents happening in the future.Another factor which played a huge role is our  Media. They blow everything out of proportion  in order to be on top withTRP’s  and need to break some news to have BREAKING NEWS .Just can’t understand how the media knew in hindsight about the incident??,if they knew about the bound to happen incident ,why did they not inform the local security department??,do agree Media plays a big role influencing various policies but they need to have some code of conduct,thriving on perception is one of USP’s of Indian Media who propogated the idea of banning the organization which was responsible for the incident would have only led to more chaos. Banning an organization will only lead to more unrest,look at what happened to US policies with respect to Islam community,more extremism and terror attacks.Never look at a situation on face value ,introspection is necessary before arriving at a conclusion.Nowadays I can bare our netas but not our media-who think no one can question them.

Bangalore doesn’t need to be represented by new tag of “LOOSE AND PUB CULTURE GOING WOMEN”,the culture of PUB existed from the ages of British Colonisation and continues to do so.Its just that all these things are into the limelight because of the negative publicity received from the media which was supposed to be positive.My city has the highest number of pubs in India and we have the UB factory which generates large volumes of taxes to the Govt.Since my city was a part of British colonisation ,their influence exists in the form of many educational institutions which continue to thrive even today.Ask any Bangalorean(who has been born and bought up),thy will say “I WANT MY OLD CITY BACK”,sometimes I think alike,but that will never happen as “CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING”.Memories are the sweetest things which should always be cherished,schooldays it was time to bunk classes in the name of NCC official  work and roam around MG Road and Brigade road on bicycle,now hardly I find school students plying on bicycles,jump out of the school wall during breaks and head towards the famous bakery “FATIMAS BAKERY” for a hot samosa and Pepsi,or walk further ahead towards Johnson Market where there existed two famous restaurants for their non-veg recipe ,viz,”SELECT” and “FANOOS”,would accompany my friends by having DAL(veg) and ROTI or walk towards the economic veg house near vellara junction “HOTEL RAMPRASAD” for idli and sambhar or head towards a snooker parlour for a game wherein you would be shocked to see half the school rouges present there playing a board game and puffing cigarettes after cigarettes,the parlour is shut and they have a DISCO named “URBAN EDGE”.When the academic session ends for the day,we used to rush towards our back school gate for our unorganised chat sector which was very economical and the best,those hot corn’s with spice added up and fruit salad was the most demanded items,the vendors had new items every month which I guess would have helped them in achieving economies of scale.I enjoyed this part of my great city BANGALORE within a radius of 200 metres.Although I haven’t been to PUB’s during schooldays I know my friends who used to visit often and had fun,their famous place was “BUNKERS”,a fellow Bangalorean like me would have enjoyed in different ways but never complained anything about my city.

The restriction to nite life is something the youth of Bangalore upset about,for which I have a valid point of going with the Govt,the city’s population is growing everyday with news about murders,robberies shockingly  happening in daylight,the Government has a limited security personnel’s who also have their families to guard us.Its just just that they don’t want incidents which will harm the city and neither the Govt wants to be blamed and I don’t want a BARKHA DUTT to come out and speak  nonsense through her microphone about my city nor do I want a SHOBAA DEE slogan “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”,we had a unstable Govt before this Govt came into which was the resultant of utter chaos of what happened to the city.Its just a matter of time before the night life restrictions are removed ,maybe in a couple of years as the Government is increasing the security stations and security personnel,its just that everyone needs to be patient to have a win win situation.

Fellow Bangaloreans need to look at both sides of a coin before arriving at some judgements and we need to work with the babus and the Govt to make things work for betterment of the city and for mutual benefit.In a system of democracy everyone has a right to everything but we need have some self regulation for the time being due to circumstances or permanent which help others and a lead to peace full living.I don’t need an individual freedom which will hurt others or put them into trouble.


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I grew up in an era where the relations between India and Pakistan were  low,the people of Pakistan whom I knew were the members of the Pakistan cricket team.I never knew about the wars which had taken place between India and Pakistan before Kargil.(the previous wars being-The war of 1947 and 1965(Kashmir wars).The Indians who grew up in the decade of 1990-2000 will know how important a match is between India and Pakistan,how can we forget the match between India V/S Pakistan during the 1996 world cup in Bangalore,How can we forget the over of Waqar Younis which Ajay Jadeja whacked all around the park with his gifted willow and  how can we forget Aamir Sohail ,who whacked the previous ball for a boundary  and gestured at Venkatesh Prasad with his bat the next ball will go in the direction of  cover for a six only to see his off stump flying around .Such was the intensity of the match that the whole of Bangalore was deserted after 14:00hrs,in fact our school was suspended @ 13:45hrs,so that we could be part of a historic match.The celebrations began @ 23.30 when India won,a sound which thudded and made me curious if a gas cylinder bursted in my neighbour’s house,but it was a cracker shouted my mom who was outside.The very fact that goosebumps arouse in me when I type , speaks volumes about this epic match.

My memory goes back to 1999 ,it was the beginning of the academic year CLASS VIII and I was part of the peace march which took place from our school and which culminated near the GANDHI statue ,MG ROAD,Bangalore.Holding a placard which conveyed “WE WANT PEACE”,I wasn’t sure whose fault was it which led to a war.I wasn’t told by my teachers that it was the fault of  Pakistan Army who disguised themselves in the form of Kashmiri militants who infiltrated into India occupied Kashmir,was I told about the facts I wouldn’t have touched the placard.It was the last cricket world cup of the 19th century,another epic match took place between India and Pakistan which took  place  amidst Kargil war in United Kingdom.The soldiers of both sides would have plugged into their transistors  even while fighting to keep themselves motivated when every wicket falls or a four/six been hit by their national heroes.The cinema halls in India stopped screening the  movies and started showing the match and you could feel the patriotism which was traveling like a virus from Kashmir to Kanyakumari.The match had another record,it had the highest no of viewers glued to their televisions till date.

When I look back at the facts of Kargil war,we could have blocked the LOC (Line of control) ,which would have resulted in cutting the supply of arms and ammunition for the disguised Pakistan jihadi military force.We didn’t do that because we always kept up our word and promise.It came as a shock for us ,because our former PM Vajpyee went on a historical bus visit to Pakistan three weeks before the Kargil war took place,wherein the whole world welcomed this peace process.With respect to Kashmir issue ,I have a simple answer,before the separation of the so called MUSLIM NATION which later came to be known as PAKISTAN,they were a part of us.I can make an assumption from the above statement which in fact acts as a premise with the conclusion being  Kashmir belongs to India.The Valley will be a part of India and nobody can stop India from protecting it.People from POK are being motivated by the so called institutions of Pakistan .They have attacked Indian cities which resembles India’s prosperity and will continue to attack unless we strengthen our internal security.

Come to the eastern side of India,another troubling neighbour, CHINA,who is worried about India’s growing presence in South East Asia and the world.The Indo-China war which was due to the fact that China claiming that Arunachal Pradesh belongs to China,infact very recently the Chinese newspaper carried an article which said that Arunachal Pradesh belongs to China,and we had some diplomatic dialogues flying past the border a couple of months ago.The Chinese are very much worried about the growing presence of India and the relationship the Indians are very much enjoying with UNCLE SAM.They want to suppress us in the region so that the whole world can look up to China in South East Asia.Last week an article carried in the Chinese mouthpiece on Mumbai terror attacks,which stated the terrorists where from within India and not from Pakistan,giving Pakistan a breather saying we are there for you and strengthening their border with Pakistan so that no terrorists from Pakistan can attack them,I have an adjective for them ,”THE CUNNING CHINESE”.The world could see the Chinese worried, when India entered into a civilian nuclear agreement with UNCLE SAM,objecting it at Vienna.

Although India helped in the creation of Bangladesh(erstwhile known as East Pakistan) which had differences with the West Pakistan(now Pakistan).They are helping Pakistan in the name of religion and attacking India.Indians have given too much space to Bangladesh,the reason why India is not taking strong action against Bangladesh is because India is worried about situation where Pakistan will take advantage.

Down South,Sri Lanka is fighting the LTTE to take control of their country.The problem here is people from Tamil Nadu are supporting for the cause of Tamil.There are many instances where India has been under fire for supporting them.Especially the politicians of Tamil Nadu who are very much supportive of LTTE.Sri Lankan Government believes in close relationship with India which is a very good gesture.They are not worried about their relationship with India as long as India doesn’t interfere in protecting their country.

Why is UNCLE SAM(USA) tilting towards India even though they are an ally of Pakistan,they know Pakistan Army and ISI will anyway help in protecting the terrorists(AL-Qeda and Taliban) who will move inside Pakistan in another couple of years with the help of Pakistan Army and ISI,they need a launching pad to kill these terrorists before another attack in the US,so they need India’s territory and support to root out terrorism.Uncle SAM knows that the funds for the Pakistan Army are being used to strengthen their western borders against India.Uncle SAM is in a tricky situation right now,it will need India’s help in another couple of years,so Uncle SAM has already conveyed an indirect message to India, which will keep Pakistan worried.

All these things wouldn’t have been posted ,had the Mumbai attacks not taken place.We know Uncle SAM needs India’s support not only with respect to Military but also economically.They know India’s presence in the future as India will call all the shots in the future with respect to the world.I wouldn’t be surprised if an Indian descendant becomes the president of USA.

India needs to tighten its internal security,setting up of FIA(Federal Investigation Agency) with no political influence and lot of powers vested with them and to take any call they would like to irrespective of any state,(although Police is be a state subject in india).The left is already up with its plan to oppose any centralization of power,as they believe each state can call its own shots.

My next post will focus on Internal security for which I need to give a lot of thought process and facts.

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“ALTITUDE” in LIFE depends on your “ATTITUDE”

One of the qualities which you would find in today’s young generation is “ATTITUDE”,Both positive and negative attitude,In the past had been instructed by my friends and teachers(Brindavan) to change my attitude, used to dwell on this during my hostel days which side of the coin did I belong to???.Friends often said “Nandi,you have to change your attitude towards teachers”.Was my style of approach really bad????,One of the reasons was I was pretty straightforward,which I feel was one of the reasons for people judging me on the negative side of the coin.They were confused between” ATTITUDE ” and “ADAPTABILITY”.The same thing continued in my worklife,and the yielded result was the same.I would still be the same,changing yourself for a better life which will be a short term goal wouldn’t yield you any result in the long term.You need to portray yourself with two different facets everyday then, which I hate the most,and one final day you might end up getting a bad name in the society.So have an attitude of your own and don’t worry about what others feel about you.At the end of the day  you want to be happy in life.So I have always backed myself in doing certain things which I feel in the short run may have hampered my career but in the long run Iam sure because of this quality of mine Iam going to succeed in life.

I had narrated a story during the end part of my hostel life which still rings in my ears,quote:

“ALTITUDE IN LIFE DEPENDS ON YOUR ATTITUDE”.A rabbi was delivering his lecture on the TORAH to students and they came across a line,”The truly evolved person is he ,who continues to smile in the midst of great difficulties”.One of the students remarked ,”If we are in such difficulty ,how is it possible for us to ponder in such conditions?”.The Rabbi could not find a solution as he pondered over it.The Rabbi then knew a old man who lived in their city,who was an orphan in childhood and crippled now.The old man’s life was a saga of pain and suffering and yet he wore a lovely smile.The students approached the old man and asked him,”Sir how is it inspite of all these difficulties you wear a smile?”,the old man replied you have come to the wrong address and he added on saying that in the past age of 73 years he has never faced a difficulties because GOD was with him,In times of difficulties don’t ever say “GOD ,I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM,instead say ,”HEY PROBLEM I HAVE A BIG GOD”.With the right every adveristy becomes an opportunity,every failure that came to thy,I learnt to look upon them as a chance to improve myself.

I would like to conclude with a small poem:

People are often unreasonable,illogical and self-centred,


The service you do may seem insignificant in the eyes of others,


If your honest and simple,people may cheat you,


What you spend years building,someone could destroy overnight,


If your successfull ,you will win false friends and true enemies,


If you find serenity and happiness,others may be jealous,


If your kind,you maybe acussed selfish,ulterior motives,


The good you today will be forgotten tomorrrow.


If your generous and helpful,others may take advantage of you,


Give the world the best you havemand it may never be enough,




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Shall I………………..

Where do I start ???,never did I expect to see myself graduate from one of the most respected University in India which emphasised a lot on Values and Spirtiuality.The standing testimony to the above fact would be the entrance of our Institute where we had the privilege of playing salutations to the “LORD OF WISIDOM” before starting of the proceedings in the college and on top you would find the sculpture of “GODDESS OF KNOWLEDGE”.Shall I tell you about the ever smiling idol of a small boy playing a flute in a pond where we used to walk and run around in our hostel.Shall I tell you about the Suprabhatam (morning hymn to wake up the lord), where we sat in a line representing our respective rooms where some used to snoar and some chanting which led to great fusion early in the morning around 5:30(IST).Shall I tell you about the hot cup of tea/raggi malt (an Indian energizing drink) which used to get over within a fraction of time,while the boys who were late would feel dejected.Shall I tell you about the whistle which terrorized us and made us run helter skelter to the ground and in the process we some getting punished(Frog jumps,crawling etc-which used to be fun).Shall I tell you about the phrases which rings in my ears even now when I think of jogging-KALDA BODIES!!!.Shall I tell you about the sprint which used to take place from the ground to the hostel for a bucket of hot water.Shall I tell you about the bang -bang-bang-bang on the doors of the bathroom,”HOW MUCH TIME???,IAM AFTER YOU,NO SOMEONE HAS ALREADY TOLD ME”.Shall I tell you about the verbal fights for bath or shall I tell about how we used to read the newspaper with each pulling for one page.Shall I tell you about about the breakfast which watered our mouths and the hospitality of serving which was entrusted upon us.

It’s 09:15am ,shall I tell you about the prayerhall where we used to start of our proceedings for the day in our college with each day being represented different form of arts(music,vedic hymns,enigmatic orators,special series of hindu mythlogical characters,etc).Shall I tell you about our lectures which was taught by the finest lecturers in the country.Shall I tell you about how we were intoxicated by having a heavy lunch.Shall I tell you about the intensity of our games(individual and sports).

Shall I tell you about the sooting bhajans which used to relax our mind.Shall I tell you about our delicious dinner which was very limited for some.Shall I tell you about our study hours with warden summoning a few for a warning.Shall I tell you about the creamy milk and the Television,(some days chapathis).Shall I tell you about the night prayer which was mandatory.Shall I tell you about our warden walking on the terrace and somedays checking in some rooms.

Shall I tell you about the festival days which used to get happiness for many ,as it was time for real delicious food.Shall I tell you about our ever relaxable sundays wherein it was time for eat,play and sleep.Shall I tell you about our night outs so that we were assured of a good grade.Shall I tell you about how enthusiasitc we were to head for a trip to PARTHI.Shall I tell you about the hot tea and Karabath on returning back from our trip.Shall I tell you about sleepless days in our third year for our batch name,with everyone busy trying to project ourselves as the member of”PRACHETAS-BATCH OF 2007″.Shall I tell you about our sports meet which involved a lot of rigourious preparations(celestial rhythms,bike stunts,traditional marital arts,dragon dance,etc).Shall I tell you about watching the finest actors of our college portraying the finest play of Indian tradition.Shall I tell you about our law breaking activities in the hostel which led to sleepless nights.Shall I tell you about how we overcame our sorrowness and unitedly we put one of the most celebrated days of all the members of PRACHETAS(3rd years day).Shall I tell you about how tears rolled down when everyone witnessed the documentary entitled “PRACHETAS”.Shall I tell you about the emotions of our last day in the campus where it was a last day for a few of them in the institute and hostel as everyone had to move on with their careers.

All these things have had a lasting impact on our personality.Everyday I take pride in saying that Iam a student of “SRI SATHYA SAI UNIVERSITY,BRINDAVAN CAMPUS”(erstwhile “SRI SATHYA SAI INSTITUTE OF HIGHER LEARNING,BRINDAVAN CAMPUS”) and a member of the batch of “PRACHETAS”,BATCH OF 2004-07.Its real emotional feeling.when I look back at all these things,I just want to have a rewind in my life.Memories are special when you look back at them,Its always good to have experience of both sides of a coin-“HAPPINESS & SORROW”,otherwise your memories wouldn’t have a lasting impact in your life.All my classmates/friends who would play a definite role in the future with their respective careers not only from the education point of view but also from the perspective of the development of CHARACTER.Another ten years down the lane everyone will be settled with thier careers and then it would be fun to have getogether,so that we recollect our “MEMORIES” of the batch “PRACHETAS”.


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