Category Archives: Experience

The Fear of Loosing…….

Trepidation due to a person being capricious drives the other person insane during winter blues. A situation that requires a rational behaviour on my part and not an impulsive one. On being impulsive it may lead to an erroneous decision which might be embarrassing or loss of an irrecoverable object, being the person who defines frank, open minded and reflective the present situation has put me in a shell right now with the quilt not being able to calm down my coldness. The trait of cold is that it would drive fear if you don’t take an immediate action but rationality would argue based on statistics that it will die down slowly. A Psychosis that demands Preference Falsification due to my upbringing. Do I need to term my situation as Prejudice? or say this is your life , an opportunity knocks only once grab it before the cold dies down slowly. The latter will prick you everyday and you would cry over it everyday untill mortal which I dislike.

An object when broken the difficulty lies in to pick up the pieces and bring it back the original shape in spite of you knowing in hindsight it’s going to be a fractured object for permanent. The Fear lies in not the decision making but the consequences of its immateriality. The Fear lies in remorse.The Fear of falsehood with my conscience.The Fear of a treasured trait which will be lost forever.The Fear of Fear verses Phobia.The Fear of light which will not glow when its dark.The Fear of loosing my sanity.The Fear of well nurtured object turning into a rotten object.The Fear of not being conventional and above all “THE FEAR OF LOOSING TRUST”.

Do I need to bind with time and let the boat sail leaving rest to the nature? or Do I need to take certain decision hoping it turns out to be positive which will help throughout your life? . The latter is what a lot of people are advising me.How is this going to span out? It should be either a win-win situation or loose – win situation but not loose-loose situation.

A short Poem……….

A state of mind which waves like the wind

and floats like the water,

due to fear of loosing…

Or is it my figments of Imagination,

which is the cause of dilemma,

again due to fear of loosing…

The world says its callousness on my part,

but the same world will change its stand,

not due to fear of loosing but fear of being associated.

Do I need to think selfish as an individual ?

for fear of loosing something or

Do I need to sacrifice ?

for fear of loosing everything.

Do I need to loose the valueable TRUST or

Do I need to brood over my loss in sanity.

Hope of being hopeful ?or

Trust in God for better view of things?

Time will tell……… but

the Fear of loosing will still continue…………..


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Any form of expression is always subjective unless proved contrary  by a series of observations which becomes a universally accepted norm.The past week has been less of work and more of subjective discussions.Some of the discussions did have some positive impact on me.One discussion on a sunny Wednesday afternoon walking along with my colleagues in the CBD of Bangalore a wastage of time, could have used my mind for some other productive purposes as someone suggested during the discussion.My last post was the premise for the discussion,One of my colleagues introduced me to a sam alias Sambhar female (no offence) who was nothing but a typical Sam.Its difficult to convince Sams who are pretty egoistic and I have decided not to interact with anymore Sams at office at personal level of things, since time is a constraint for this post, will try to make up the subject in another post.I haven’t done anything really productive at work this week,maybe its something to do with my mind which is stuck up with Vicky’s arrival this weekend.

This post is really short as Rants shouldn’t influence anyone’s thought process.Views expressed here are personnel and are not intended to harm others.

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“ALTITUDE” in LIFE depends on your “ATTITUDE”

One of the qualities which you would find in today’s young generation is “ATTITUDE”,Both positive and negative attitude,In the past had been instructed by my friends and teachers(Brindavan) to change my attitude, used to dwell on this during my hostel days which side of the coin did I belong to???.Friends often said “Nandi,you have to change your attitude towards teachers”.Was my style of approach really bad????,One of the reasons was I was pretty straightforward,which I feel was one of the reasons for people judging me on the negative side of the coin.They were confused between” ATTITUDE ” and “ADAPTABILITY”.The same thing continued in my worklife,and the yielded result was the same.I would still be the same,changing yourself for a better life which will be a short term goal wouldn’t yield you any result in the long term.You need to portray yourself with two different facets everyday then, which I hate the most,and one final day you might end up getting a bad name in the society.So have an attitude of your own and don’t worry about what others feel about you.At the end of the day  you want to be happy in life.So I have always backed myself in doing certain things which I feel in the short run may have hampered my career but in the long run Iam sure because of this quality of mine Iam going to succeed in life.

I had narrated a story during the end part of my hostel life which still rings in my ears,quote:

“ALTITUDE IN LIFE DEPENDS ON YOUR ATTITUDE”.A rabbi was delivering his lecture on the TORAH to students and they came across a line,”The truly evolved person is he ,who continues to smile in the midst of great difficulties”.One of the students remarked ,”If we are in such difficulty ,how is it possible for us to ponder in such conditions?”.The Rabbi could not find a solution as he pondered over it.The Rabbi then knew a old man who lived in their city,who was an orphan in childhood and crippled now.The old man’s life was a saga of pain and suffering and yet he wore a lovely smile.The students approached the old man and asked him,”Sir how is it inspite of all these difficulties you wear a smile?”,the old man replied you have come to the wrong address and he added on saying that in the past age of 73 years he has never faced a difficulties because GOD was with him,In times of difficulties don’t ever say “GOD ,I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM,instead say ,”HEY PROBLEM I HAVE A BIG GOD”.With the right every adveristy becomes an opportunity,every failure that came to thy,I learnt to look upon them as a chance to improve myself.

I would like to conclude with a small poem:

People are often unreasonable,illogical and self-centred,


The service you do may seem insignificant in the eyes of others,


If your honest and simple,people may cheat you,


What you spend years building,someone could destroy overnight,


If your successfull ,you will win false friends and true enemies,


If you find serenity and happiness,others may be jealous,


If your kind,you maybe acussed selfish,ulterior motives,


The good you today will be forgotten tomorrrow.


If your generous and helpful,others may take advantage of you,


Give the world the best you havemand it may never be enough,




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Shall I………………..

Where do I start ???,never did I expect to see myself graduate from one of the most respected University in India which emphasised a lot on Values and Spirtiuality.The standing testimony to the above fact would be the entrance of our Institute where we had the privilege of playing salutations to the “LORD OF WISIDOM” before starting of the proceedings in the college and on top you would find the sculpture of “GODDESS OF KNOWLEDGE”.Shall I tell you about the ever smiling idol of a small boy playing a flute in a pond where we used to walk and run around in our hostel.Shall I tell you about the Suprabhatam (morning hymn to wake up the lord), where we sat in a line representing our respective rooms where some used to snoar and some chanting which led to great fusion early in the morning around 5:30(IST).Shall I tell you about the hot cup of tea/raggi malt (an Indian energizing drink) which used to get over within a fraction of time,while the boys who were late would feel dejected.Shall I tell you about the whistle which terrorized us and made us run helter skelter to the ground and in the process we some getting punished(Frog jumps,crawling etc-which used to be fun).Shall I tell you about the phrases which rings in my ears even now when I think of jogging-KALDA BODIES!!!.Shall I tell you about the sprint which used to take place from the ground to the hostel for a bucket of hot water.Shall I tell you about the bang -bang-bang-bang on the doors of the bathroom,”HOW MUCH TIME???,IAM AFTER YOU,NO SOMEONE HAS ALREADY TOLD ME”.Shall I tell you about the verbal fights for bath or shall I tell about how we used to read the newspaper with each pulling for one page.Shall I tell you about about the breakfast which watered our mouths and the hospitality of serving which was entrusted upon us.

It’s 09:15am ,shall I tell you about the prayerhall where we used to start of our proceedings for the day in our college with each day being represented different form of arts(music,vedic hymns,enigmatic orators,special series of hindu mythlogical characters,etc).Shall I tell you about our lectures which was taught by the finest lecturers in the country.Shall I tell you about how we were intoxicated by having a heavy lunch.Shall I tell you about the intensity of our games(individual and sports).

Shall I tell you about the sooting bhajans which used to relax our mind.Shall I tell you about our delicious dinner which was very limited for some.Shall I tell you about our study hours with warden summoning a few for a warning.Shall I tell you about the creamy milk and the Television,(some days chapathis).Shall I tell you about the night prayer which was mandatory.Shall I tell you about our warden walking on the terrace and somedays checking in some rooms.

Shall I tell you about the festival days which used to get happiness for many ,as it was time for real delicious food.Shall I tell you about our ever relaxable sundays wherein it was time for eat,play and sleep.Shall I tell you about our night outs so that we were assured of a good grade.Shall I tell you about how enthusiasitc we were to head for a trip to PARTHI.Shall I tell you about the hot tea and Karabath on returning back from our trip.Shall I tell you about sleepless days in our third year for our batch name,with everyone busy trying to project ourselves as the member of”PRACHETAS-BATCH OF 2007″.Shall I tell you about our sports meet which involved a lot of rigourious preparations(celestial rhythms,bike stunts,traditional marital arts,dragon dance,etc).Shall I tell you about watching the finest actors of our college portraying the finest play of Indian tradition.Shall I tell you about our law breaking activities in the hostel which led to sleepless nights.Shall I tell you about how we overcame our sorrowness and unitedly we put one of the most celebrated days of all the members of PRACHETAS(3rd years day).Shall I tell you about how tears rolled down when everyone witnessed the documentary entitled “PRACHETAS”.Shall I tell you about the emotions of our last day in the campus where it was a last day for a few of them in the institute and hostel as everyone had to move on with their careers.

All these things have had a lasting impact on our personality.Everyday I take pride in saying that Iam a student of “SRI SATHYA SAI UNIVERSITY,BRINDAVAN CAMPUS”(erstwhile “SRI SATHYA SAI INSTITUTE OF HIGHER LEARNING,BRINDAVAN CAMPUS”) and a member of the batch of “PRACHETAS”,BATCH OF 2004-07.Its real emotional feeling.when I look back at all these things,I just want to have a rewind in my life.Memories are special when you look back at them,Its always good to have experience of both sides of a coin-“HAPPINESS & SORROW”,otherwise your memories wouldn’t have a lasting impact in your life.All my classmates/friends who would play a definite role in the future with their respective careers not only from the education point of view but also from the perspective of the development of CHARACTER.Another ten years down the lane everyone will be settled with thier careers and then it would be fun to have getogether,so that we recollect our “MEMORIES” of the batch “PRACHETAS”.


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“Its all over,Please move on….?”

Introspection for the past two months reveals the following of I ,where I am part of the most ever expanding organization in India,i.e,“Unemployed educated youth of India”.Its been really tough for the past 2 months,especially the month of July ,where I was still in the trauma of all the Incidents that took place in my ex-organization.I couldn’t get over it.It took a huge toll on my mental abilities,every night it used to kill my mind.I just wanted to get over it somehow by just listening to my conscience,sometimes I was successful,where I couldn’t get control I used to have a verbal brawl with one of family members(which consists of 4 excluding me).Even now I get angered when I think of what happened with me for the past 1 year with respect to work life.Everyone suggests me “Its all over ,Please move on…..”

It’s very easy to voice out the above statement,but getting over it is really difficult.The feeling I should have taken revenge, but my conscience keeps telling me “hold on man,that’s not what you should do to others,speak to them politely.Polite speaking ???,people take advantage of that in today’s world,I was fighting it out with my mind in the month of July,couldn’t concentrate on my preparations,managed only 3 hrs of study during the entire month of July,Now I have reached 5 hrs a day on an average with exceptions to some cricket days.I real thank God for giving me the strength to come of the after work trauma.The past one month has been good with respect to my preparations but not up to my expectations.In fact I deleted all my colleagues from my list of friends on Facebook,but added back a few of them.Tears roll down my cheek when I think of my hard work,I wouldn’t have put even 1/3rd of the efforts towards my student life which I did with respect to my work life.Those slogging hours to help the team from 6am to 9pm,but eventually was branded the “BAD BOY”.Sometimes I do feel the past 1 year of work has been the most bad phase of my life.

Now I have come to terms with respect to all my goals,need to start slogging out more for all the entrance exams.I have kept the option of working with a different organization moving till I get into a reputed B-School,surely planning my way into a B-school by next year.Iam expecting my friend Vignesh within a couple of weeks,who is slogging it out in XLRI,Jamshedpur.So planning for a getogether!!!.I really miss all the fun that we had in our hostel life ans those friends who were very straight forward.This post should have been in my blog in the beginning of August ,but I decided to hold it on till today(reasons personnel).I have something big coming up guys,that is ……………………“CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT”.


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What’s next in store???

Am I going to acheive my goals???What I dreamt of being within the next 3 years looks very jeoparadised. People around me demoralise me with respect to my goals,My mom keeps teeling me ,quote”You have wasted 2 years in your life”,my ego is hurt but she has every right to voice it out for she is the person who got me to this world.I wouldn’t blame her either for she is concernced about my fututre and the other  reason why she comes up with such statements is because of the gossip of her beloved FAMILY MEMBERS.People of the yesteryear generation still feel that all the education should be compelted by the age of 22 and you become an earning member of the family.In today’s world unless you have your career vision set right you wouldn’t make something big in your life.Its really difficult to convince them why I have taken the decision of working for a year and preparing for the most toughest exams to land up in a good B-School.It’s what I want to be in the next 3years that matters,If I follow their advice I wouldn’t be satisfied with my life and would end cribbing all throughout my life for the decision I have taken and which will drive me insane.

All that mattters to me right now is how Iam going to achieve the set goals.I have drafted a blueprint of how Iam going to go about with the preparations for the entrance exams which I hope will get the best out of me.I need a little bit of help from God as wellfor he should give me the courage to stand tall against all the odds.So keeping my fingers crossed for what’s next in store for me?????

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25-06-07 to 25-06-08

19th April 2007,There was I pondering over what next in my life as It was my last day in Sri Sathya Sai Institute of higher learning officially as a student.I did speak to a lot of my friends about what to do next??? all of them uniformly echoed work for a year with simultaneous preparations for the entrance exams (for joining India’s top B-Schools).I was kind of skeptical whether to settle down in BANGALORE as I know I would be haunted by the bad company(school friends) after 5 years of peace full life,so decided to move to the most inhospitable city of India —CHENNAI(the only multinational company which succeeded in setting up an office during the License Raj days was OFFICE TIGER).I concluded that CHENNAI is the still old conservative city after 2 days of exploration.I decided to come back to BANGALORE(I’m proud to be a BANGALOREAN) for I felt it wasn’t going to be easy in Chennai.

With the help of my friends(few of my seniors in college),I got a call from one of the leading organisations around the globe with respect to providing news and Financial data  Services.ECONOMIC TIMES(India’s leading newspaper with respect to Business and Finance) had an article in International Business segment which caught my attention,the headline went like this:”TWO PIONEERS IN THE SEGMENT OF NEWS AND FINANCIAL DATA SERVICES DECIDE TO MERGE”.On the very same day I had an Interview with one of the PIONEER‘s representative,Initially I was kind of skeptic whether to join or not (as I read about the amalgamation),but went ahead and attended the Interview which was kind of tough,I thought its going to challenging work If I did make it through.I was asked to report on the 25th of June 2007 to the organization as they felt I was up-to their expectations.

The D-Day arrived ,It was around 18:15IST,we were requested to hold back as the respective TEAM LEADERS would be visiting us ,A voice addressed me hello and enquired whether I was N.Nandi Varman,I said firmly YES.Then she Introduced that I’m Rashmi Rao,Team Leader,RTFI.I was like “what”? ,am I going under a woman,its the last thing I wanted to start my corporate life with,(as the Interviewer who Interviewed me was a charismatic man,but after working under her for the past 1year ,I concluded that she is a born leader).The next three weeks was all about training ,getting to know the fundas on which I’m going to work on.The first three months I was kind of real dumb as I couldn’t appreciate anything with respect to my work,but later on picked up gradually.Slogging for the next three months with the help of my teammates as we tried to make the workplace a little more workaholic.I found people were not committed to work ,its just that they come in ,sit there for 8hrs for a huge sum of money.I felt I’m not doing justice to my salary at work,that’s the reason I slogged out for the remaining of my stay.My father who is an ardent Government Servant(Advocate) made me realise this,quote”-MONEY SHOULDN’T COME SO EASILY,FOR EVERY SINGLE PENNY YOU SHOULD SWEAT IT OUT”I did realise that this is a valid point,dedication and commitment should be there in whatever you do.I was initially shocked looking at the way people worked for the first 1Month ,I was almost Influenced by them.Then a thought occurred to me ,start making inroads into the process with the help of teammates so that the workaholic culture will build up.( all the kudos should go to the T/L ).Never did I let my individual ego to takeover my commitment to work.Never did the thought occur to me of satisfying my ego.

A boat cannot have a smooth sail till it reaches its destination,will face strong winds,waves,etc.My mind took control of me during the month of December,In spite of learning how to tame the mind for the past 5 years(hostel life).This was the period of strong winds,waves were soaring,not until one day when I thought.”hang on what the hell am I doing?”.I was going through my emotions everyday for I felt ,I committed a big sin in my life,was away from my goals and my mission.It was a period where everything was going bad for me(that’s the reason everyone tells don’t be so WORKAHOLIC).I then decided to call it a quit during January.for I felt I’m not going to do justice to my job.Then I was asked to reconsider my decision,I had promised my T/L to stick around minimum at least for an year,so didn’t want to break it.This was a period where the planets started moving against me.It was a day when I was a made a victim of BLAME GAME in my team.Time had arrived for me to pull up some of my colleagues for they were trying to play safe,not because of my anger,but wanted to convey them the trait HONESTY.After three weeks of contemplation I decided on the 25th April 2008(19:15 approx) to put down my papers serving a two month notice period so that I complete my 1 year of stay with organization.Even after putting down my papers I was kind of affected my many happenings which was really getting to my head everyday and made me to start the countdown the remaining number of hours that I’m going to stay with the organization.If not for two(Lack and Syed) of my colleagues who helped me a lot to overcome the happenings ,would have taken many people to task and again being a victim.Many thanks to them for helping me to overcome these adversities.

The past one year has been a good learning experience as I have a picked a lot of positives from my colleagues and have been trying to imbibe them.The other conclusion being “WOMAN ARE WEIRD WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS”.Iam kind of surprised to see today’s behaviour of women(especially the Urbanites),today’s women are very bold(daring than a man),stubborn and real sensitive .I dobut in future whether the next generation of girls or woman would possess all the traditional qualities of an Indian women.I wouldn’t be surprsied in future if girl or women asks who is SEETHA?? but they would know who was the most beautiful women in India??(partly it should be blamed on our EDUCATION system). Mr Sanjay Sahani Sir(Principal ,Sri Sathya Sai Institue of Higer Learning) always used to tell one thing,which I laughed it off when I was in the college,but now accept that,quote“THE WORLD OUTSIDE IS REAL CRAZY,MAN IS BECOMING GREEDY DAY BY DAY”.Its really sad to see this state of affairs,I was like really shocked(for the intial few months).The other things which we were taught in our college was never ever bow down to your “PRINCIPLES” for POWER and MONEY.PRINCIPLES (its upto an Individual of how they would like to define it) should be present in everyone’s life.I would advise everyone to never compromise on your principles because would always remember your as ” A MAN OF PRINCIPLES” and not for Money or Power.One of my so called colleagues advice was,quote-“YOUR COLLEAGUES CAN NEVER BECOME FRIENDS”.It was wrong conclusion for I did get a good friend who will fall in my list of all time great friends.HE/SHE has helped me a lot with respect to how tackle today’s corporate world and human beings.At the end of the day ,I would like to thank to GOD for showing me this path so that I have some experiences with respect to the WORLD BEHAVIOUR.

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